We were all eating at this small restaurant with a large bar. My guy friend was making eyes at the waitress, my husband was pretending not to notice and I was annoyed.
When the flirting started in earnest, I protested that she was too old for him.
“You’re just jealous,” he said. ”All girls have it in for each other,” he muttered to his other friend at our table.
Catfight, girl-vs-girl, the mommy wars, call it what you like, but we’ve got this reputation that the only thing we hate more than a chauvinist is a gorgeous woman. Men have lots of examples, my friend was about to give me some when I stopped him.
I took a second to pull into my heart and ask myself.
Was I really just jealous of our beautiful waitress? When I thought it through I realized I wasn’t, instead I was annoyed that my friend was making a fool of himself and distracting our waitress from doing her job. I felt that I was on her side more than his, advocating for a professional restaurant environment, wanting to give her a chance to show her competence more than her cleavage.
We were in the middle of a good conversation about the motivations for late term abortion when his nose went up and he sniffed her, “Female!” I wanted to keep talking and I thought I could sense that our waitress was anything but interested.In Mad Men, AMC’s award-winning series centering on workplace dynamics in the 1960′s, the marketing firm tries to sell Playtex bras. The begin assuming each woman wears a bra for a man to notice her. Bras are for men.
They make the same mistake my guy friend made, thinking women are around for men’s benefit, forgetting his waitress had a job to do, just like the men on Mad Men forget the very practical points of bra-wearing for women in and of themselves.
My theory is that most of the girl vs. girl animosity out there begins with this false belief: women are around for men’s benefit. If guys are the prize and your victory with my male friend means my loss, then you are automatically my enemy.
But, if you offer more to this world than a man’s accessory, then you can be more to a woman than her competition.
You can be her friend.
photo credit: webstockpro.com, screenrant.com/mad-men-season-4-premiere-end-date-sandy-55399, downwithsquirrels.blogspot.com/2011/01/great-squirrel-war-beginning.html