In a recent study in Cinncinatti, BFFs were found to help relieve stress in young girl’s lives.
So girlfriends can continue to be anchors, helpful supports when we’re not sure what to do or how to respond to life’s pushes and pulls.
But not just any friend will do, as I explained last week, some friends are gold and others are silver. Let me elaborate on that metallurgy.
Some friends are gold and silver, others are . . . rusty tin.
When it comes to friendship, some women are going to corrode your ability to trust. Some “friends” are going to leave you convinced you have nothing to offer.
These friends may be hiding in the shadows, ready to appear when you return home for Thanksgiving this week. These friends may be subtle and sneaky and insipid, but regardless you have the power to invite them into your life or hold them at arm’s length.
Consider the close friends who give you safety to let you be you. Now use them as your gold template. How do you keep the rusty tin from cutting your arms?
A few tips to preserve your heart and mind for the gold and silver friends in your life.
- Listen, but don’t share. Ask questions until you find one value you share (see list of values ). Spend time learning about these value in their life. For instance, “How have you been spontaneous this week?”) Give yourself the freedom to hold your values closely and privately.
- Minefield alert. Consider ahead of time the topics or values that leave your ears ringing, the places you feel picked apart and devalued by them. Choose ahead of time to state the minefields to yourself and then plan to avoid these topics as a way to keep the peace. For instance, my friend accuses my anti-Juice Plus stance as the main reason I get sick, so I avoid topics of eating, cooking, restaurants and working out.
- Sally offers a good list of ways to perk up your holidays, instead of getting stuck doing (or being) the false stuff.
As the Jewish King Solomon says,
“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.”