We are hoping the readers of Let Me Be Me will weigh in on the
Samatha Brick topic!
Don’t know what that is? Samantha Brick posted an article discussing her own beauty (worth reading). She believes she’s attractive, but, as Jonalyn tweeted it, believes it “unapologetically”. The response has gone viral and people are responding strongly to her assertions. Some are claiming:
- she is not that pretty
- she is crazy for verbalizing her experiences as an attractive woman
- it is awesome that she has brought the topic to light
In an interview on the Today Show (worth watching and reading), she shared a few more details about the article…and we learn a bit more about this woman as a…real person.
She lives in the French countryside, has four dogs, a great group of girlfriends…and is quite surprised and hurt at some of the responses she has gotten. Is is possible she has been misunderstood? Is it possible that we have heard her spot-on (get it…a British saying…:) ) and that she should have posted an article on something a lot less inflaming?
In this blog on female friendship, Brick has given us some good material to work with!
So, Let Me Be Me readers…what are your thoughts?
- Is there a little bit of Samantha Brick in you – you know your own beauty and have gotten a public response from both men and women because of it (e.g. free drinks, salty glances from other women)?
- Do you begrudgingly tolerate women like Samantha Brick?
- Do you have a Samantha Brick in your life?
I like this woman. She’s confident, and not afraid to be honest with herself about what people say, and strong enough to hear the comments without shying away from them. I wonder if what men notice is only partially physical appeal, and partially confidence. These men spontaneously offering her drinks, paying her cab fare, etc. and moving on sounds like men showing appreciation. There are plenty of pretty women around, but they’re doing these favors for her and moving on, which tells me there is something more to her that these men are noticing other than a pretty face.
We’re supposed to be happy for others’ good fortune and happiness, not jealous and angry. Women getting snarky about the attention she gets are showing a lot about their opinions of themselves and how they view the world. I can identify with her. Growing up, I was by far the prettiest of all of my sisters (They’re all beautiful. Yes, I’m biased, but they really are.), and the prettiest in my hometown and until recently my sisters were mostly jealous of me. One sister was so angry and envious when I met and married my husband and seeing that I was obviously happy that she refused to speak to me. All I wanted was to tell her I cared about her and would love to be able to talk to her. In recent years I have become overweight (something I’m working on changing), and everyone seems to be much happier with me. I just wanted to be accepted too.
All of my friends are beautiful women, but I think part of that is because of who they are as a person. They’re beautiful inside and out – much of it coming through their eyes – the window to the soul.
I think Samantha Brick put on paper what many women are thinking, and maybe that’s what’s getting stuck in people’s craw.
Mandy,
Your observation that there is more to Ms. Brick than her looks, mainly her confidence is well put. I agree.
I’ve felt pressure to be less thin so I could better “fit in” and “be less threatening” too. I’ve found it’s a very interesting reverse pressure women face.
What do you think of the charge that Ms. Brick is not modest or humble?
Mandy -
Great thoughts on Samantha Brick! I love that you are able to relate to her from personal experience. One of my favorite parts of your post is your statement, “I just wanted to be accepted too.” This is something I think any woman can relate to – and we could describe how we tried to do that. Such a funny, chronic element of our humanness. So glad that you can see the beauty in your friends as people, as women beautiful inside and out. I agree – I think Brick put on paper an experience that many women have – and I think that the response she has been getting reflects what our society thinks of that…we are pretty ambivalent.
Thanks for posting!
This post is so interesting. She sounds a bit over the top, but what I love is that she fully and confidently calls herself pretty. I have never thought of myself as pretty, and it pains me every time one of my beautiful friends says she is not pretty, not good looking, not attractive. We pick our looks apart – our butts are too big, our bodies not skinny, our faces too bland, our hair too boring or too crazy.
I’ve recently started to ask – who gets to decide if I’m pretty? Am I waiting for other people to tell me I look good? Do I need to compare to my friends and see what they think of their looks, and judge myself accordingly? Or is it something I (and anyone else for that matter) can find in myself?
So, while some of her statements did seem judgmental (blaming everything on her good looks? seems a bit too much), I was truly thankful to see a woman who does not look like the supermodels that bombard us every second online, in our magazines, and on our televisions, but who feels confident in her prettiness. It honestly helps me.
I’d like to call myself pretty. I wonder if that would help my daughters and my friends and the women around me see their own prettiness, too…
Susan,
I LOVE this question “Who gets to decide if I’m pretty?” really good food for thought. I hope everyone reads your comment!
Good point that Ms. Brick seems to be blaming a lot on her looks that could have many other causes. But I also agree that she is setting a helpful precedent. She’s not modelesque, but she’a attractive and she’s aware of it and confident in that.
Refreshing.
I think it would be whole, true and a life-giving choice to call yourself pretty.
Love your thoughts,
J
Susan -
I think you highlight the part of Brick’s article that we could all relate to – the parts of us that we don’t call pretty, physical or otherwise. And then, you describe your response about your friends. We see beauty in people, especially those we love and are really able to see beauty in, even when they don’t. I agree, that can make us feel pain for them – - but I also think it gives us a chance to be a good mirror to them…offering a bit of “beauty truth” that might help them along their path of self-discovery. To me, this path is life long…that we get constant experience learning to see ourselves as we really are. And how imperfections are actually beautiful!
You also make a great point – I think you are on to something. Are we able to impact others when they see how we love ourselves and see ourselves are pretty? And pretty in so many different respects? I definitely think so!
Thanks for posting your thoughts about this current issue!
I’m really not sure how I feel about this at all. Samantha seems like a nice, but not overly pretty woman. It’s hard to make a judgment about this without knowing her. I’ve not personally experienced this myself, although I did work with a girl who would continually say “Oh, so and so doesn’t like me because I’m younger and prettier.” That may have been true but it smacks of arrogance to believe that. Maybe there are other reasons she was unlikable. I’ve known a lot of beautiful women and once a friendship was fostered her looks became the least important thing about her. Maybe Samantha would have better experiences with women if she was friendlier. Who knows? Like I said I can’t judge a women I’ve never met. But I do think it’s easier to be more average/cute than beautiful or homely. People tend to notice and judge extremes.
I told Barry about this story and he’s more intriqued by how everyone is reacting to this issue verses Samantha herself. Samantha’s story is her own and every women will have her own unique experience. It’s like asking “what is sexy?” Everyone will say something different. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder…it’s just a conversation piece and something to get people talking.
Jules,
Great point that people judge extremes. So true!
I would also like to get to know Mr. Brick better, what else might be going on?
I don’t see that she’s very humble… She knows she’s beautiful and I find that A-OK, but she seems to flaunt it by sharing all the good things she gets from men. I’d like for her to have included the catcalls and inappropriate comments she probably also receives. Then we might have been able to sympathize a bit!
Have you seen this? http://today.msnbc.msn.com/?_r=1 scroll down to hear an interview of her. Helpful I thought as she shares that she’s not “overconfident.”
I agree with Barry’s response, too.
I agree with you that sexy or attractive is in the eye of the beholder. We’re each attracted to and turned on by different things.
However, I don’t think beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty, as I understand it, is intrinsically linked to both goodness and truth and found, at core, in the being of God. So the standard of beauty has some sort of object mooring. The closer a person or a vase or film illustrates the truth, beauty, goodness of God, the more beautiful it is. Does that make sense?
p.s. Jules, a follow-up thought on that video I posted above. The one adjective that keeps resurfacing as I think of Ms. Brick is her lack of sophistication. . . and I mean that in a complimentary sense. She seemed like a deer in the headlights with how over-the-top and mis-construed her article became. I felt she was not treated kindly by the Asian female who interviewed her. I also felt she wasn’t up to the task of defending herself with good articulation. All that to say, she’s probably not as conniving and narcissistic as she’s been painted. What did you think?
Jonalyn,
I watched the interview and feel really bad for her. I don’t think she really knew that her article would cause this reaction. Her reason for writing it and the way she wrote it, don’t seem to match. She used her own life and only pictures of herself, but wanted to point out that this is a universal problem. I think her article is more troublesome than Samantha herself. It’s fine that she knows she attractive, it’s how she’s gone about starting the conversation. It was off putting to many people. I’m sure she’ll be more careful about how she writes in the future.
Julia-
Great response! You make such a great point! When this all hit – tons of response to a woman that few people knew. Now, she did write the article…but I am not quite sure she was at thinking she would end up on the Today Show. I was glad I watched her Today Show interview…it helped me see the woman that was surprised at how her words have been digested by many. And that many are missing the true Samantha. It is definitely interesting to step back and look at the response she has gotten.
One thing that I appreciate your saying is that Samantha’s story is her own. Everyone can tell a different story from what they think sexy is, what beautiful is, etc.
Thanks for your input! So glad you posted!
I agree on a number of things Samantha says. Beautiful women do get special treatment and are resented by those less gifted in their appearance. I am constantly amazed at media hype over such inconsequential stories. Here is a woman who uses herself as an example to say what we all know — society focuses on wealth, beauty and fame (whether the actions precipitating it are good or bad). I’m saddened at times that unknown people make amazing contributions that positively change the lives of others and receive no recognition at all. The media doesn’t care for these stories because they are not controversial and don’t smear someone’s reputation. I don’t think Samantha had any intention of elevating herself or her beauty, which is slightly above average but not off the chart (in my opinion). The interesting part of the whole thing is the attention it’s gotten. I think it’s pretty cool that she’s chosen a quiet life in the French countryside, enjoyed by the company of her dogs and BFF’s, and works part-time. To me, if there’s anything to be envied about Samantha, it’s her lifestyle and not her beauty.
Shirley,
You bring up wonderful observations about Ms. Brick. I agree that she has been both courageous and chosen a good life.
I wish the media and the many people who make up the culture of beauty-harping and judging (many of those we live around and work around) would just give her a break, consider her original audience and not be quite so snarky and judgmental.
Shirley -
Thanks for posting! I really like that you brought attention to the reality of her life that she describes…other things that are worth seeing in her life. I agree with you – I think she wrote a column about her personal experience as Samantha Brick and that her intentions are being assumed. After watching her interview, my fondness for her grew…and I saw the surprised Samantha that seemed to be “back-pedaling” trying to give a bit of content to her now-public self.
So glad she has her friends – I hope they are supporting her at this time, keeping her grounded, reminding her of who she is and that her beauty is real in more ways than what she wrote about.
Thanks for adding your comments! Glad you posted.
OK, without reading the other comments and remembering what I read from her article, here’s my thoughts:
She sounds like an attractive woman who works on staying attractive because it is a priority to her to remain attractive (her closing statements notwithstanding; if she really wanted to be “unattractive” she could do several practical things to become so), but she also sounds to be something more than just that. She probably has good taste in clothes and fashion, and she may very well have a sweet spirit or something in her personality that attracts others.
Women who are very attractive and well dressed but still a right old (pardon me) bitch don’t generally get the complimentary bottle of champagne.
So, there must be a ‘something’ else there–a sine qua non–that she’s not telling us about or she is herself unaware of.
Do I begrudgingly tolerate women like Samantha B.? I don’t think so. I like being around attractive people, and also earthy people. I also like to think I’ve got a sparkling personality and am reasonably well kept enough not to be lost in the crowd. Ha, is that a bit of ego?
I’ve recently made friends with a woman who is very pretty and genuinely nice, also a mother of four, but still petite and with a wasp waist! Not so, I! She’s also known in the area for having a gorgeous voice, and I’ve been able to be her accompanist on the piano several times. I thoroughly enjoy her and our developing friendship. I also enjoy her sense of style…not something I have innately, you understand, and so I appreciate it in others while not being threatened by it. Instead, I enjoy it. (My trade off: I don’t want to spend that much time & effort–and $$–putting together outfits and fashionable clothes; I would rather loiter in bookstores and spend money there. That’s my interest. But I do appreciate well dressed women.)
Come to think of it, one of my sisters-in-law is also a good dresser, quite attractive, and of a petite frame. When I’ve been out with her in public, I’ve noticed men noticing her. It must be hard–yes, it must be–to be that attractive that you can’t just go about your business and do your errands or whatnot for the day.
It takes a fair bit of guts for Samantha to write what she did, I must say. Especially considering her neighbors undboutedly will have read it also and not been pleased at their unflattering portrayal. However, her husband sounds very supportive and please with her and with her attention. If she’s got a safe haven in him, perhaps it is enough for her.
Solgrl,
I loved how you painted this situation of Samantha’s… you are abso-bally-lutely right. There is more going on here than mere looks.
And I don’t think she is entirely confident about what it is either. She has a simplicity that is very charming.
Btw, the being well kept enough not to be lost in a crowd is not, in my thoughts, ego. I recall a line from Sarah, the Story Girl, one of the great L.M. Montgomery novels, who admires her feet. She has gorgeous feet, Montgomery spends a paragraph describing them until you just wish you could see them. When Felicity, the one with the gorgeous face and body tells Sarah that her knowledge of her beautiful feet is vanity, Sarah responds,
“It’s not vanity, to not know my feet are beautiful would be ignorance.”
I can’t see how you can look at yourself as many times in the mirror as we all do and not learn some things about ourselves. Otherwise, we’re simply not very observant.
solgrl -
Thanks for commenting! I love the comments you add – great points on what Samantha Brick might actually be like – including that her attractiveness includes things that really are attractive – like kind behavior. You are right – the ripe ‘ole bitch doesn’t normally get a bottle of champagne or a paid taxi fare.
I also appreciate that you added some personal experience – a few “let me be me” descriptions of enjoying a well-dressed, beautiful friend who has a delightful voice…but knowing you don’t need to be her or be like her…and that you can befriend her while still being the woman who peruses book stores.
You add a wise comment about her neighbors…which now might extend further than she previously experienced as people on multiple comments are reacting to what she bravely put into words…possibly calling on bravery at moments when she begins to feel something is getting a little out of control….!!
Great comments – thanks for writing in!
Wow what a whirlwind for this woman! I do think the response is almost more fascinating – the media throws ALL this attention on a woman because of her self-described beauty and everyone wants to rip her to pieces. It makes me sad that THIS is what people get riled up about – there are far more devastating things in the world than rating this woman’s beauty. It does show in some ways where our priorities are as a society!
My reaction has been a bit of everything. The original article does have truth to it and she speaks to a certain experience. However, I find it interesting how many issues she blames on her beauty. I could put myself in her category, I know when I’ve entered a room and I threaten another woman’s territory simply because of how I look. I know what it is to be excluded because of it – people assume things about women considered ‘beautiful’ in some way, that they are snobby, distant, uninterested in friendship, etc. I have felt this way about others and I feel others have assumed this of me. I do agree that beauty can be a burden and can leave one lonely – and I see how that can sound arrogant – yet it’s true!
HOWEVER, to blame as much as she does, on her looks, seems excessive. I do think she puts ALOT of emphasis and is VERY aware of the effect of her beauty and wonder if there’s a bit more to the story! How does she really interact with these other women? I have had conflicts because of similar situations but once people got to know me or vice versa, they subsided.
It sounds like she has worked with a particularly shallow group of women! I know it happens but I’d hate to see all women painted that way. I have had bosses and leaders who are older, heavier, shorter, whatever-er and they have treated me with respect, assessed me for my work and not my appearance, mentored me well and notbeen competed with. Perhaps the industry in which she works also cultivates this kind of attitude?!
I am always wary when a woman needs to list off her beauty and all the things others do for them. I have a relative who does this and I find it deeply sad, it is clear that this is her one claim to recognition and admiration and she makes sure people know it! And this relative is stunning, she really is beautiful and has aged incredibly well!! But I would respect her more if her beauty were secure, I believe you can see this in a woman, she doesn’t need to tell the world about all the times men have gifted her and admired her and how jealous women are – that attitude I find arrogant when I encounter it around me. Probably more than arrogant, it is sadly insecure, as they clearly don’t believe it if everyone needs reminding of their beauty! I am just thinking, if Samantha Brick came up to me and listed to me the things she wrote in her article, in person, it would very much come down to her TONE! Which, as she has learned, is hard to convey in writing. If she said it in a certain way, I might get the impression that she is trying to put me down, assume superiority, compete in some way. However in another tone, I might see that she is bringing attention to an issue, expressing hurt and/or struggle, approaching it with grace and openness. Unfortunately, in writing, it does not come off as incredibly gracious but in the interview, it was likely more gracious than has been interpreted.
But cannot deny the heart of the article – the competition between women and judgement. I can’t count the times I have said or heard someone say “she’s so beautiful and I can’t even hate her…” My sister and I said this recently. Watching Downton Abbey, we were commenting on the loveliness of the youngest daugher and how we didn’t even dislike her because she is such a sweet, gracious person! Clearly, there are some definite underlying assumptions about women with beauty, fear of their superiority, insecurity in our own worth and value!
I think, at heart, it points out deep feelings of women not feeling they have worth or value in themselves. If we had security in our own value, our own unique beauty, we would not need to cut down, exclude, judge others. We would want others to feel the same worth and value.
Hmm…much to think about within this! sorry this is a novel!!
C.J. -
A nice novel! I enjoyed reading your thoughts on the subject of Samantha Brick. You bring us back to one of the important parts of what we have seen – the competition between woman and the judgment that rises between us. This is something we touch on in our blogs sometimes – what it can do to a woman to be a negative center of attention, how we can devalue ourselves and others by comparing our beauty…especially to someone we do not even know.
It is true that not many people react well arrogant behavior or arrogant sounding comments. I found that watching the interviews, there was more to learn about Brick. In her Today Show interview, Anne Curry questioned her about how the article was written – that she used the word “I” many times. I really liked Brick’s response – she could only write from her own perspective, she was not writing to call out all beautiful women to speak the same, she was not writing to bag on women who do not experience the free champagne offers.
You mention some of the types of “whatever-er” people we all need in our lives, who see us as dimensional and not linear…where one part of who we are stands out as more beautiful than another. I just finished a short post today noting a section from a book I recently finished…the post highlights how valuable…”priceless” as Mastercard would say – it is to take someone as who they are without encouraging one small change. We all have beauty in us that deserves “freebies” and “nods” from other people.
Thanks for your input! So glad you commented!
C.J.
I resonated with this line “I’d respect her more if her beauty was secure.”